First Post

I created this blog about 3 months ago. It has taken me that long to post my first entry because of fear. Fear of how it will be received.  Fear of how I will be perceived. Fear of sounding pretentious or like I have it all together because Lord knows I don't.
Writing is therapeutic to me. I discovered the healing power of writing after a hard break-up. Actually, calling it a "break-up" is not really accurate.  It was really a stagnant loser watching his girlfriend grow and flourish and resenting it. I really don't know how she did not leave me earlier. It was 2006 and . I have a steady (I was 26 years old. No real job, no money, no prospects and no real motivation to change. She was 22, in college and focusing on her music, trying to make something of herself and have rich, fulfilling life experiences.
Shortly after we ended our relationship, I was given a temporary job. My mother knew the manager and I got the hook up. It was a paper pushing job basically and I was usually done with my work before lunch and would spend the rest of the workday writing. It usually led to clarity on issues in my life. The more I wrote, the better I felt. Ideas for books, short stories, and motivation started to flow. I began writing some of the stories but fear and self doubt crept in and stifled the creative juices.
So, fast forward to 2014. I have a steady (and permanent) job, happily married to a high school friend I reconnected with and  living in a great house in a great town. I really felt like my life was coming together. In August, we found out she was pregnant. We had been trying for a while and lost a child the year before so I was super excited. My first born was a boy. I envisioned all the lessons of life I could teach him, all the games we would play, all the vast knowledge (maybe not "vast") and the bond we would share. A menacing thought entered my head and shook me to my core. "He will learn from what you DO and not what you say."
On the outside, I thought I was doing well until I took a real hard, sobering look at my life.
I am an employee with no control over my time or how much money I make. My dream sare small and require no imagination. My health habits are terrible. My budgeting skills need work. My social life is nonexistent. I am living an uninspired, average existence. Mediocrity.
So, I made the decision to make a change. My 35 birthday made me realize that I am approaching mid life and the first half of my life has been lived in fear. it is time to step out and live the rest of my life in faith. Hopefully this journey of reinvention will motivate  someone as it motivates me.

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